Forever and Ever
by ElleBT
Summary: "Living a life as a shadow of mystery didn't give room for human emotions like love, it could get dangerous."  RATED M for later chapters.  YAOI - don't like don't read.  Kadar/Altaïr/Malik
1. Chapter 1

So.. This is going to be interesting. For us both. :p  
>Thank you for reading so far! (I'm an optimist)<p>

_Thanks to Alex for translating this from Norwegian to English!_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Assassin's Creed. **Ubisoft does.

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><p><em>Chapter 1<em>

"Kadar."

The wind played through the grass and the hair of the young gentleman. The smell of fresh flowers and fruit trees tickled his nostrils.

"Kadar."

A figure in bright silk clothes blocked the sun. Kadar squinted with his eyes and discovered his own brother standing before him. A smile adorned his beautiful face, one that could be considered superhuman, godlike, that's how beautiful his brother Malik was in Kadars eyes.

The light breeze tousled Maliks pitch black hair as he bent down against his younger brother. Kadar leaned against the hand that stroked gentle against his cheek. The warm, soft, skin made Kadar feel safe. He closed his eyes, a gesture that showed that he was truly confidential with his older brother. Another hand was laid on his chest. Kadar opens his eyes and discover his other brother, though not by blood but by love and friendship. Altaïr with his sparkling amber eyes and sandy born eyes. With the bright hand on the chest of the young man, Altaïr leaned down and shortened the distance between the two faces. In harmony and safety with Malik at his side, Kadar reached up from the grass to meet his soft lips. A slight hint of lavender surrounded the muscular, beautiful man.

"KADAR!"

A pillow was thrown at the direction of his body on the carpets. The boy jumped up with a wild expression in his eyes, a slight blush stretched across his cheeks.

Kadar looked down into the carpets to not meet Malik's glance, whom had thrown the pillow. Had he been moaning asleep?

He rubbed his face out of grief. These dreams never gave him peace. It got even more embarrassing when all three slept in the same room.

Malik was already dressed and on his way out the door, the lark as he was in contrast to his little brother. Altaïr tied his shoes with a sly smile.

"That sure sounded like a very comfortable dream."

A fire that could be tamed by no one burst out of Kadars face who reached for his pillow and threw it against the older one. Altaïr was prepared and dodged it with a large grin glued to his face.

Kadar buried his face in his hands and listened to the faint myriad of people in the building. Most of them was out of their bed judging by the sunlight. He must have slept longer than usual. A warm wind carried the scent of baked goods from his window.  
>The little town must also have waken up, Kadar thought to himself.<p>

He was about to roll together the carpets as he discovered a hard problem between his legs. Even though there were no one in the room he tucked his 'problem' into a set of carpets in a heartbeat. Had his brothers seen it? Had he been moaning?

"I'm exaggerating" he whispered. He was a man, and men had fantasies and needs, and he was not the first person in this world to wake up with wood hard as rock in the morning.  
>He was still young and moist behind his ears, as Malik would have said.<p>

But what if he said names? And what if he touched himself asleep at the same time?

Immediately he brought his hand towards his face to find out, he could sense nothing, so he came to the conclusion that he had not touch himself. This was a scenario that he would not want to repeat. Luckily he had awaken in time for them to buy into his lie when he stated that he had been fooling around and that he got them. However he was worried that they might not believe him the next time, if there will be a next time.

Throughout the day he went trough his casual physical workout. If he was to be a murderer of justice of the same strength as his older brothers, he had no time to waste. His body and soul was like hard rock, and he sculpted and adjusted all lines and thoughts with tools handed out by masters and mentors. He was still not as flexible, silent, and invisible as he needed to be for his future way of life. But he was far ahead of the others in his class, and that was probably due to good mentors like Altaïr and Malik. Where others were frightened by heights, he was already swaying through the air like a bird towards the ground. Where others brought themselves serious injuries by bad footing, Kadar was fast and light like a predator.

To more easily blend in with crowds of all different sorts, that be religion or language, it was just as important to practice knowledge and literature. There's been many late nights with his head buried in books, ending with his caring brother putting a blanket across his sleeping shoulders.

He accepted praise and flattering from the leading master AL-Mualim, who promised a coming rank-up for the assassins. Al-Mualim was strict, but fair. He was also very wise and highly considered. Kadar took his studying serious and did not let himself get distracted by the other students. Every day he got close to his target, every day he got close to succeeding, every day he turned more and more into the man he wanted to be; fair, strong willed, and determined. Therefore there was no room for weird dreams at night and disturbing daydreams that didn't belong anywhere.

"Watch where you put your legs Kadar!"

Kadar's arms failed to reestablish his balance on the high poles, there was already too much weight in the wrong place, and Kadar fell sideways into a ball of hey. Humiliated by his demise he got up and brushed away the most stingy bits of hey. Kader never used to be unfocused or clumsy, and a somewhat confused mentor asked if he was feeling well. A mumbling Kadar blamed lack of sleep and retreated away from the practice area to avoid any further questions. He climbed the tallest tower in Masyaf and sat down to skew the horizon. Few people ever went up here, so he was guaranteed to be alone. It was already far into the day, and his muscles were sore after hours of fencing, endurance training, and balance training. The remaining day he was going to spend with a meal and studying various books at the library. Though he suddenly started feeling lonely. As far back into the past as he could remember he had been training here behind Al-Mualims rule to secure a peaceful future without war. So much of his life had been used to earn knowledge and skill, so he could one day be as successful as his beloved brothers. Not everyone was suitable for securing the future of the country, but he was one of the chosen ones for the prestige filled armies of the assassins.

One day he was ready to do missions of his own. Missions that involved saving innocent lives from power hungry tyrants. If no one was there to maintain balance in the country, war would break out and civilians be lost. Only the assassins could do an adequate job, this was what they trained for from their early childhood. While pigeons flew into the horizon, his thoughts wandered on.

The rules of the order were strict, and must be maintained at all times.

_Never put the brotherhood in jeopardy._

The wrong pair of ears must never hear information about the order; everything must be kept secret to not cause unbalance. Many people appreciated the effort of the assassins, but for some it was just a burden. These 'someone' would do anything to wipe out the brotherhood, so they could more easily gain power over the people and the country. Power-hungry people, they were the reason that made it so important never to tell anyone outside the order about who you were, and what you did, and who you served.

Living a life as a shadow of mystery didn't give room for human emotions like love, it could get dangerous.

But still Kadar sat there with a brewing storm of confusing emotions in his body. Who could he talk to, and still be taken seriously? His dreams at night gradually approached a border he did not want to cross. Could he tell Malik, who usually understood all his problems? His cheeks flushed red at the pictures that he just could not get out of his mind.

This was something completely different, first of all; Kadar was a man. And for a man to think this way about another man was just not acceptable.

"Are you ok?"

Kadar jumped at the sudden presence of his older brother. Malik sat down with a deep sigh of exhaustion. Judging by the smell he's been training for a long time. Kadar nodded without looking him in the eyes. At once he wish he were one of those pigeons over there, far away from here. Malik's roaming eyes burned across his skin, he knew it was impossible for him to hide something for Malik. He started with the basics, and left out any definite details. He just talked about the feelings in his body, strange dreams at night, and inability to concentrate. Of course Malik concluded it very quickly with love. He was always so well educated in such subjects. Even to his older brother and best friend, Kadar did not want to tell him anything more than necessary. It was enough that Malik thought whatever he wanted to for now. Kadar did not receive any obnoxious commentaries or mocking, like he could usually expect from Altaïr if he ever got to know something like this. Malik kept Kadar company while the sun started descending on the sky.

"Its completely natural to have feelings, brother. It's just a sign you're human. No one will look any different on you regardless of you being in love or not. One time in the future it will be necessary to think seriously about these kind of things to keep the Order going anyways".

It was always so calming that Malik understood and was willing to tell him this and give examples. But this time the words were more of a burden. There was no way he could forward his genes with two people of the same sex.

Malik noticed Kadar's sad eyes and knew that part of the truth was being kept for him. When the time was right Kadar would tell him, until such a time he would not force the boy he kept so close to his heart.

He coughed as a smile appeared on his mouth.

"And no one is saying the people of the Brotherhood is forbidden human contact, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into, and take precautions. I know I probably shouldn't say this but..."

Kadar looked curiously up at his brother. He never used to spread lies or rumors, so this was definitely a new side to the innocent, honest man he looked up to.

"You know who I'm talking about when I say Naji?"

Kadar bit down on his lip and started thinking, a habit of his many people remarked as "charming and cute". Naji was the same age as Altaïr but had a lower rank. Kadar didn't know much about Naji since he was rarely to be seen in the food court, the library, or with the assassins practicing in the front yard. His older brother continued telling about Najis needs to 'act out'. It started as pesky actions in the gloom and darkness of night with house pets belonging to a nearby family. Repeatedly he had been caught in action by one of the daughters, and she had broken out in rage about that "If he couldn't get any better he should just take her".

Malik chuckled at the unbelievably story. The most absurd thing was that Malik was telling it.  
>"It was going to be secret, but everybody knows anyways. But don't tell anyone I've told you." He smiled with his teeth and his eyes sparkled towards Kadar, who could not do anything but laugh. So this was the reason Naji kept disappearing all the time.<p>

It approached the time for filling up their stomach and read through books practicing writing and language, so they walked together down from the tower. However before they went for the food, they took a detour down to the river to wash off all the work from earlier today. More people had thought the same thing. Men and boys at every age, side by side, naked as the day they had been born. Unbelievably enough Kadar was feeling embarrassed. Frustrated about his impossible feelings from time to time, he chose to ignore it as best as he could, he threw off his armor and clothes, jumped into the water. It felt so good, and he swam as far as he could under water. His body cooled down, and without the sight of naked, well trained bodies under the surface everything felt much more under control. His lungs started screaming for air, and he rose up towards the surface and gasped for air. He did not manage to break his length record under water, but it had helped a lot in flushing away his red cheeks and thoughts for now. He was about to swim to shore when he discovered Malik talking to someone by the beach. He recognized Altaïr as he raised his hand and waved at Kadar. Both Malik and the golden eagle waved him in towards the shore as if they had something to tell him. But Kadar would rather duck underwater and never come up again. He took some hard strokes into the water and cooled down his red cheeks. He tried to seem untouched while he put on his clothes and asked what's up.

"Altaïr's got a wacky idea which I'm attempting to stave him off!"  
>Malik stands with his arms crossed across his chests with a serious face, but Kadar could see his merry smile at the corner of his lips.<p>

"We can practice going back and forth without being seen, it will be pure joy to finally use our skills to do something fun together for once."

Kadar looked like just one big question mark and shifted his stare from brother to brother.  
>Turned out that he was not going to get his curiosity solved before after the meal, and hours of practicing Latin prayers. It was far into the evening and the sun had went down long time ago and left a cold blanket of moonlight across the scenery. They retreated to their chamber, Altaïr still lit up and Malik skeptical. As the other students at the castle had gone to wherever they needed to be and calmness dominated the building, Malik whispers to his younger brother.<p>

"He wants to steal…"

"I didn't say steal, I said trade!"

"…A carafe of wine from the basket-maker a few blocks away."

Malik rolled his eyes, but could not hide the fact that he found the idea entertaining. Kadar stared in disbelief at his mentor who seemed to have lost his mind.

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><p><strong>You still there? Wonderful!<strong>

Please, tell me what you think! I have 5 more chapters so far,  
>if my dear translator Alex wakes up from the dead after this one.<br>_(Sorry Alex for all the crappy Norwegian words! :p)_

A big **thank you** for all of you so far!_  
><em>


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to those faving/alerting this _thingy_.  
>And of course a <strong>big <strong>_thank you_ to Alex, who translated chapter 2!  
>Without you guys, this wouldn't be <em>here<em>, and you wouldn't be reading this.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Assassin's Creed.**

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><p>"I was down there earlier today, and I got the perfect plan based on what I heard. Apparently he's been buying more carafes, in hope of selling them for profit."<p>

Malik made a deep sigh. Seems he wants to test Altaïr's theory.

"Don't you think the basket maker has a solid count on how many of those things he bought? He's not going to get foo.." The sentence got interrupted by a sigh from the eagle, and low lit room he started to dig through the pile of blankets and pillows. He pulled up something that resembled a vase with handles.

"This was laying there empty at the back yard, apparently he's had time for some 'testing' of a whole carafe."

Malik was still standing there with a straight face, but it was pretty obvious he wanted to put Altaïr to the test out of pure joy. In a dramatic motion he rubbed his eyes as he whispered.

"So you want to fill this empty carafe with water and place it where you left the wine?" His eyes are dimmed out by the shadows, but the moonlight reveals a set of teeth smiling in response.

"I suppose you know where the basket maker stacked it away?"

Altaïr nodded and explained about a basement with a hatch right outside the house. The hatch was well hidden, but then again nothing is well hidden for someone who's trained in the art of stealing information.

Altaïr leans down towards Kadar and places a hand around his shoulder and whispers with a warm voice that makes Kadar numb. Their closeness felt pressuring, and he could thank all the gods in the world for the darkness covering his flushed cheeks. "Look at it as a test. Blending in with the shadows, silent and fast, around the guards, and without waking anyone. Remove an object and place another one, and get away safely." His breath is warm against his ear, and his heart jumps like crazy in his chest. Deep down Kadar really wanted the breath to continue down his skin.

"Come on, Kadar. What do you say?"

Ignorant he looked into Malik's eyes for answers, and he apparently loved the idea. Seems he didn't have a choice. His older brothers had already made up their mind, even though Malik explained his presence with being there to prevent any problems. They covered their feet in clothing to be as silent as possible, and their faces also covered so they would avoid being recognized. Weapons or any other sort of protection wouldn't be necessary on a fool's errand like this, Malik stated strictly.

The night stood in strong contrast to the day, as usual. Burning suffocating heat at day, and ice-cold pitch black at night. They had to keep a fast pace so they wouldn't freeze up in the cold weather. If it wasn't for the moon lurking high above the sky they wouldn't even have been able to see their own hands. Getting out of the castle was not a big deal; in times of peace the gates were wide open, sometimes guarded buy sleeping guards. This time they were lucky. They moved from shadow to shadow in quick motions in the moonlight on the swirly road down the hill. They avoided being seen by the guards by taking reroutes and stepping carefully. Their blood boiled in their veins at the excitement of this nightly activity. Kadar started suspecting his brothers for having done something similar in the past; they showed no signs of insecurity as he tailed them like a ghost. They saw a few guards on the rooftops, and they passed by carefully after where they were looking. After something that would have seemed like an infinite amount of stupid reroutes in daylight, Altaïr made a sign to show they've reached the right house. They had previously made a deal that Malik and Kadar should watch out and whistle if something occurred. Altaïr disappeared into the darkness around the house corner with the carafe in his hand and a sudden silence filled the area. There were no sounds to hear, not even from the horses in the boot, or the pigeons in the sky. The only activity was the guards on the rooftops, Malik and Kadar in the shadows, and the moon that painted everything with cold silver. Heavy clouds started filling the horizon and blocked out the faint light that remained.

Kadar thought it would be easier to sneak back unseen if the guards had even less light. He held his breath and listened. He counted to ten; he counted again, and yet again. A shock went through his body as a violent noise sliced through the silence like a hot knife through butter. Someone swore in Arabic at the same time as a dog started to bark with all its power. Kadar could hear someone, either Malik or Altaïr trouble with something. The guards on the rooftops started shifting their attention over to the trio, and it was about time to get out of there, with or without their goal. A series of cracking sounds could be heard and two pairs of feet running in different directions. They didn't want to take any chances anymore. Kadar ran as if his life depended on it, it was a cat-and-mouse hunt he did not want to lose. His feet lead him to a rooftop where the guards had disappeared from to investigate the noise. His body felt light as a feather and his muscles worked at full force from rooftop to rooftop, from shadow to shadow. The only thing he could hear was the wind swaying past as he ran up the hills. He crawled in the darkness past the last guards before he without a sound ran into the yard. He gasped for air as he entered the bedroom.

His heart got some time to calm down before his older brothers showed up, Altaïr comes dragging a carafe of terracotta and a huge smile on his mouth.

"I must say you sure run like the wind when you have to, brother." Malik tousled Kadar's short hair and made a warm smile.

"Even though it was not strictly necessary." A slightly accusing, slightly amused glance went over Altaïr who shrugged. "How was I to see anything in the darkness? I didn't think of the baskets…"

"Exactly, when you are near success you are blindfolded by victory too early."

They laughed it off and undressed their cold clothes to change to warm ones. Kadar couldn't do anything but laugh of the whole thing either. It turned out to be a special type of wine they had acquired. The basket maker had probably bought it from a Frenchman or some Spaniards, which again had brought their wine, back from their motherland. The wine tasted bitter, and made Kadar wrinkle his nose to his brothers entertainment. Altaïr said they should enjoy every drop of it, because to drink like kings they would probably never get to experience again.

Malik disagreed and stated that due to the crusaders from the west it would be more and more casual to drink this type of drink around here. Kadar had peace in mind and just enjoyed his brothers' presence without talking. He listened to the sound of the warm voices that surrounded him as he lighted up a canister of mild incense. The men had each their stack of pillows and blankets as neck support, and the carafe with his bitter contents was passed around between their words. The liquid warmed their stomachs and it turned out easier to smile from less.

"Guys, I have an idea on how to make the time pass faster." Malik coughed.

"You mean you have an idea on how to make this wine disappear faster..." Altaïr grumbled playfully and held up the carafe. Malik threw a pillow at him who grinned in return.

"Call it what you want, but I think everyone will enjoy it. The one who starts is the one that had the wine last..." It was a simple game. The beginner could ask the one holding the wine a question, anything. If the victim did not want to answer or it went too personal, the querent had to drink twice the amount. Altaïr was first man out on the rack, as Kadar thought out an appropriate question.

"Just to start somewhere... Have you ever stolen a goat?"

For a second the eagle seemed to have landed, but Malik and Kadar raised their eyebrows as Altaïr chose the wine instead of a response.

"The response reveals enough, sometime you need to tell me about this event brother." Malik received the carafe with a grin.

"Maybe… at least in a sober moment." The man with the amber eyes pretended that his pride was lost, but at the corner of his mouth a smile appeared that made Kadar blush. Whether it was wine that made him warm, he was not sure.

Since followed a series of ridiculous questions that would never have been asked in a sober condition or between good friends. In this occurrence, both applied. The bitter liquid made the head swirl and the skin burn on Kadar who could not have had a better time. They learned many embarrassing moments between each other, one of them being Malik's first kiss.

"It was a bet I could not afford to lose. It was either the cow or starvation!"

Both Kadar and Altaïr laughed until they lost their breath. The picture of Malik with a pout against a slimy cow face burned at their retina and it was too much to take in. The carafe was passed along to the youngest, who dried up his moist eyes and stood up as dizziness struck him. He could have lived this moment for the rest of his life, only with his beloved brothers who laughed and were happy, without the whole assassins ordeal. Malik raised his arms in despair.

"You would have done the same thing!"

Altaïr had regained his breath while Kadar rubbed his sore tummy muscles with slow movements. "Well, I have no cow easily available so it would have to be the lips that last was planted on one."

The eagle grinned with playful eyes. With his arms crossed across his chest, Malik looked at his brothers unconvinced. Kadar looked from brother to brother and thought he heard wrong. Altaïr retrieved the carafe from his brother and downed a large portion of it. Malik's eyes narrowed.

"To kiss another man? I believe highly in you brother, but sometimes you're too full of yourself."

Kadar swallowed. Glowing ice minced in his stomach and his body turned numb. Had they forgotten about his presence? They aligned to each other like competitors. The room swirled around him as Altaïr rose up from the pillows, and Malik did nothing to stop him. If it could be called a kiss it was everything but gracious or sensual. It was just lips meeting and departing. But the mood changed suddenly from light laughter to pressuring tenseness. Malik stared at Altaïr with what could resemble.. disgust? Altaïr seemed regretting, and refused to meet the look of any of them. Kadar was confused and was sure he was dreaming all of this. A hurtful feeling was in his chest and his throat turned sore, without him being able to explain why.

"It's far into the night, and the wine is gone. It's bedtime."

Malik unravel his blankets. The youngest of them felt something should be said to the both of them, but could find no words or voice. In silence the carpets gets put out, the pillows fluffed, and the blanket banked over.

It was so cold, so cold that Kadar crooked his teeth lying under several layers of blankets on the floor. He felt restless. A warm body moves against his back and puts a strong arm against his little brother. They used to lay like this all three on cold nights. But Altaïr slept alone this time. The thought made water run down his cheeks, and they were out of his control. Several of them pretended to sleep that night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for reading, and reviewing! **

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><p>The following days brought practice and knowledge for all starters and apprentices. The masters were sent out to missions in various agencies around the larger cities. Malik was sent alone to Damascus for a smaller mission. Even though he was an expert with his sword and could defend himself and others against a large number of opponents if he had to, Kadar waited determined on his arrival. After end of assignment at all agencies a pigeon with a message of success or failure was always sent out. Even though Kadar wanted to appear to others as strong and independent, a part of him was always worried about his beloved. He always kept his ears up for news.<p>

It turned even more special this time when Malik went out on an assignment. Before departure he had waved Kadar goodbye, but Altaïr was nowhere to be found. The tension between them made it difficult to be together, they had not said a single word to each other since the kiss. Kadar's chest hurt just by the thought of that night.

Altaïr had retreated from society and closed his mind. He had spent a number of days around monks outside of Masyaf to read religious scrolls and live among them. To better blend into crowds of different ethnics it was important to achieve credibility. But it was obvious that he departed to get away from the uncomfortable situation that had occurred. Kadar had many questions, but did not find the time to process his thoughts or ask questions. Malik had asked him if he wanted to go to Damascus to watch and learn. He kindly said no and explained that he wanted to train on the horseback, which he needed more experience with. He wasn't lying, but deep inside he didn't want to leave behind an obviously unbalanced Altaïr by himself. It would probably be easier to speak to him about it. Why couldn't they just laugh it off as a drunken tale?

The image of the two lips meeting each other made his cheeks flush.

What thoughts and emotions motivated Altaïr to kiss Malik? Wine and bravery; or hope? The thoughts burned like if, he didn't even know.

Kadar trained fencing in the front yard to force the thoughts away. It was important with total focus and constraint of your skills to avoid getting hurt. The opponent was another student in his own class; they didn't know each other by name. A master outside the ring encouraged them both to work better with their footwork. They danced around each other like two roosters ready for fight, dodging each other's attacks. His limbs screamed and a pearl of sweat threatened to rain down his eyes, but Kadar could not take his time to dry them away. His opponent was strong and fast moving, but he did have weaknesses that could be taken advantage of. In a perfect moment Kadar exploited the blockade to push his opponent away, they lost the balance and fell into the ground. The mentor outside the ring cheered for Kadars victory and gave orders about practicing strength and balance to his fallen opponent. Kadar had yet to have regained his breath when Altaïr showed up in the ring. Parts of his face was covered by the shadow of his hood, it was impossible to tell what feelings were hiding in his eyes. The mentor outside the ring encouraged Kadar to exercise his blockades together with Altaïr, a true master. They had trained together in the ring numerous times and Kadar had been taught a lot by the eagle that he looked up to, but this time he was unsure.

Altaïr body language was unreadable, he had been gone for days, and he had still not said a single word. His presence radiated with something Kadar could not put his finger on. He sucked it up and ignored the sweat raining down his forehead. Both went into fighting positions.

Altaïr did not spare any effort, and Kadar struggled to keep up after the exhaustion from the last fight. He felt tested to his limits, and started to wonder whether Altaïr was relieving his frustration. Stroke after stroke was slain upon the younger brother with enormous powers and speed. Kadar didn't even have time to use his sword to fight back; the opponent was way too fast. The opponent. He had to see Altaïr as an opponent, not a friend, not as a secret fantasy; if he was to get anything meaningful out of this. He couldn't let his thoughts slow him down, or distract him.

He dodged a tall slay, and in the fraction of a second he threw away his sword. The long metal in itself had become a slowness factor. Like an animal he threw himself at Kadar with his sword at the tip. Without the extra weight the younger one moved faster, and jumped to the side. This went on until the audience were no longer sure whether this was a fight to the death, or not. Kadar wasn't entirely sure either. He fought to survive. The mentor outside the ring was shouting something, but that was words Kadar did not have time to focus at. The large eagle started to feel the exhaustion, but did not let himself give up.

He dodged another slay, and did something he had not practiced a whole lot. That was probably what made Altaïr surprised so he lost his focus. Kadar rolled around and got a kick through that sent Altaïr to the ground. At the speed of light Kadar brought up his knife and jumped. Altaïr flipped around as Kadar landed on his chest with the sharp blade at his throat. Silence roamed the battleground, not a sound could be heard. The audience was stricken with amazement at the master who had been defeated by his apprentice. Kadar gasped for air, still with Altaïr's warm body beneath him, and his blade against Altaïr soft throat. For the first time in many days Kadar was able to see his amber eyes again. They shined like gold in the low level sunlight. His face was golden with the white scare across the corner of his mouth. His full lips..

In an instant Kadar was thrown off Altaïr's body as he spotted the opertunity. The rolls were reversed, and Kadar was now the one laying in the sand with a blade ready to slice through his throat like butter.

"Don't lose focus in a fight brother. No matter what."

His sword was removed, and applause filled the battleground of mentors and students that had gathered around. Altaïr offered his hand, Kadar reached in, and Altaïr lifted him up. The beautiful eagle smiled friendly to him, a smile that flushed his cheeks. Kadar lowered his eyes and retrieved his sword. He was not humiliated by his defeat. On the contrary, no other student had ever fought against Altaïr in such a manner, except maybe Malik. He received praising words and a pat on the back from other students. But Kadar's mind had already wandered elsewhere.

After a cooling bath, Kadar ate by himself at the bedroom. Exhausted he ignored the book about anatomy that he had borrowed from the library and laid down to relax. It didn't take long for the dreams to take control. He was in the front yard, fighting in the ring. His body screamed from exhaustion. There was no one there but him and Altaïr, fighting with chiming swords and warm bodies. The eagle fought like a god, and Kadar felt the forces push him into the sand. His sword was knocked out of his hand. Altaïr grabbed his hand and with a great measure of control slammed him tumbling down into the sand. Kadar gave up and let himself get turned over to his back by the eagle. Altaïr had playful eyes and lips that curved upwards into a smile and exposed his teeth.

"Don't lose focus brother."

Kadar gasped as warm hands roamed across his chest. A warm spread wherever his hands were.

"S-stop…"

His body was heavy, too exhausted to move. It turned into a torture just to lay there and receive the warm and cold chills Altaïr caused to his body.

"I don't think you really mean that."

His full lips slid across his skin, up across his throat, and surrounded Kadar's lips. A tongue separated his lips and explored his mouth. The young man let himself get toyed with; his body would not listen to reason. He could not stop the wonderful sensation even though he felt someone watching him. In the corner of his eye he could skim Malik, who saw it all, and did nothing to stop it. Altaïr continued his physical exploration, and Malik watched, Kadar could not stop himself.

He once again woke up, warm and heated, and shallow breathing.

Something warm and wet was plastered to his stomach, and desperation over him took over, as he understood what his body had done to him.

At the end of the room, a white profile with amber eyes appears.

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><p><strong>Reviews are most welcome!<br>Thank you, Alex, for translating this! You have done a great job. :'D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello guys! Thank you all for reading, reviewing, faving and alerting!**  
><strong>Gosh, sorry for the delay. We're making a documentary at school, and let me tell you: IT IS EATING MY TIME. <strong>  
><strong>Thanks again, Alex, for finding the time to translate my Norwegian words! You are the best! :')<strong>

_(Disclaimer: I do not own anything, except my chocolate bar._)

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><p>He could not believe it. He froze as his body flushed red as he lay there in between the pillows. Altaïr does not seem affected with his hood hanging above his face; he did not even look towards Kadar. Did he notice that Kadar had awoken?<p>

Carefully he slid his hand across his tummy, some wet sticky material stuck to his fingers, and it was white and thick. He attempted to wipe it off as thorough as possible without making any revealing sounds. Tears of humiliation threatened to spring forward.

"It's nothing to be ashamed about, Kadar." His voice caused a cold echo in the room. Altaïr had not even turned against Kadar to confirm that he was awake. How could he even try to fool himself to think that the master did not see and hear everything?

If only Altaïr knew all the shame from fantasies and dreams that Kadar was having. He sat up and scanned the relaxed character on the other end of the room. The amber eyes were over shadowed and looking out the window, staring at something out there. It had gotten dark outside while Kadar had been asleep. A cool breeze blew through the flame of an ignited oil lamp on the floor, and sent a cold shock through Kadar. He wrapped his arms around himself to keep the heat. How Altaïr could just sit there as relaxed as ever was impossible to understand. The mysterious sides of Altaïr had always attracted him, no matter the magnitude. When he thought about it, he could not recall him ever telling anything about his own childhood, or his parents, or…

So many questions were on his mind, questions that would have to wait for later. Involuntarily his teeth began to chatter, and it felt like his head was shaking inside. He attempted to relax his body to stop shivering, but it didn't take long before his body tensed up again. Maybe they would experience snow this winter?

Altaïr rose up and walked across the cold floor towards Kadar. He sat down next to the shivering body and tucked a blanket around the both of them. The heat from the older was immediate as a well-trained arm settled around his shoulder. The young one could feel his heart skip a beat, and he realized that he had been holding his breath when his lounges started hurting. He was sure Altaïr could hear his irregular heart beat and feel the heat radiate from his flushed cheeks.

"What are your plans for the near future?"

The question caught him off guard. He had never expected the master to ask something so trivial while he was struggling to keep his heart calm. He shook a bit as he replied by saying he was going to practice his horse riding. He did not dare to turn his head to look Altaïr in the eyes, as their heads would collide. A disturbing image of lips meeting rose up in his thoughts.

"I got an offer to go out on a mission in Acre by Al-Mualim. Considering Malik is in Damascus I wanted to stay here as a mentor to you." Kadar could hear a hint of uncertainty as Altaïr pronounced his brother's name. He agreed to the offer. Inside him he was filled by joy about the thought of practicing alone with Altaïr.

They quenched the oil lamp and lay down thoroughly wrapped into blankets that night. Butterflies were dancing wildly inside his stomach by the thought of the heat that had been exchanged between them. He did a silent pray to whoever would listen for a dreamless night.

A gray-shade morning light washed over the horizon and woke the birds. It was going to be a cloud free sky and a wonderful day. The master was already ready to start the day. He looked at young Kadar who still remained in the dream world beneath the blankets. Even though his age represented an adult, he still had some innocent characteristics in his face that made him look like a boy. Kadar was strong and fast, but his face was smooth, and his body slim. If Altaïr squinted enough he could with some fantasy Kadar could easily look like a shorthaired girl. He shook his head.  
>"Kadar..."<br>He shook the heavy sleeping body. He got a short snarl and two narrow eyes that looked at him with displeasure about being waken so early in reply.

"Get dressed and go eat. I expect to meet you by the horses in short time."

Altaïr sent the boy a sly smile as he left the room. He swore he had seen his cheeks blossom in a reddish shade.

Kadar got dressed in his uniform. A small plate of peaches had been placed on the floor, most likely Altaïr had previously been here eating and left him some. To be woken up alone by the beautiful eagle was enough to get him out of bed without any further encouragement. Kadar was grateful it was so early in the morning, so his dreams didn't have any time to take over. Yet again he felt humiliated by himself.

It was still cold after the night; the sun was not yet far enough up in the horizon to heat the landscape. Masyaf was silent with a small number of women that was in the middle of their daily laundry. Down at the stable there were two horses saddled up with light equipment. Altaïr was packing down some simple food in one of the pouches as Kadar approaches. He was looking forward to get out of Masyaf. Looking forward to see something else than the regular old. He has been with Malik and Altaïr on missions as a trainee, but it was never far away, and it was always short trips. Now it would put him to the test from morning to night, and not to mention with his beautiful master. As if Altaïr could read his mind, he turned around to Kadar who immediately blushed.

"Are we going far?" Kadar coughed.

Altaïr checked the pouches one last time as he climbed up on his horse. He retrieved a rolled in map that he handed over to Kadar. He pointed at a marking on the map.  
>"We're going there. I completely and honestly trust you to take us there without too many detours."<br>Sure Kadar had been taught to read maps, but navigating small areas under practice was far different from the large wild with confusing pathways going here and there. He climbed up on his horse and decided to do his best not to disappoint Altaïr.

As the sun started rising above the hills far east, the journey takes them out of Masyaf and into the kingdom outside. They passed other brothers from the brotherhood stationed outside at the last post before a junction. Kadar could not recall ever having talked to them before. They were older, had other types of uniforms, and completely ignored him. They only greeted Altaïr with a warm smile and glowing eyes of enthusiasm. As if Altaïr was from far away and rarely around. Kadar felt misplaced as he rode on the white Arabian of a horse and was treated like air. He could feel a sting in his chest.

They left the guard post behind them, and were out in the open wild. They rode side by side in a calm pace until Kadar could not stop himself anymore.

"How do you know of all of them? I can't recall ever having seen them in Masyaf."

The eagle almost seemed surprised by the question, but immediately got a mixed expression. "They're professional assassins, and has many years of missions across vast distances behind them." Kadar decided to leave it be, mostly because he felt it was none of his business. Still an alien notion had arrived and it just wouldn't let go of his mind. They moved on in silence and passed a number of guards who didn't throw a single look in their direction, either because it was too early in the morning, or they had other things to think about. Usually the guards around in the kingdom were always on guard and ready to attack by the smallest suspicion. Kadar felt they would get the opportunity to put their luck to the test many times on their journey.

Already at the first junction on the road got insecure about his choices as a navigator. They stopped their horses for a moment as he studied the parchment in his lap. Throughout the first route it was a longer road with less, and more divided territories with hostiles. The other route was shorter, but it was going to be a true nightmare to get through smaller towns manned with soldiers without attracting unwanted attention. Without confronting Altaïr he made the decision on his own. Kadar was not the type to seek violence and confrontations, so he chose the long path. He expected they would use half a day in a calm pace, unless they were lucky and did not counter any problems. Then they might get the opportunity to push up the speed and fly across the landscape in dazzlingly speed. Kadar almost started to daydream a race against his master, but he had a mission he had to complete and could not afford to lose focus.

Silence approached between them as they rode further into the sunrise. Kadar threw a sudden look at his mentor, but the face was covered by the shadow of the white hood. It was difficult to even try to make out what he was thinking or feeling. Kadar always wondered what thoughts and opinions were hiding inside the usually funny but strong master.

The sun moved slowly up the horizon. The shadows followed after and got shorter and shorter where they threw themselves after the hot ground. They had been riding a long time without any stops, but the horses needed shadow and rest. Most of all the animals and the assassins needed some water. Kadar sighted some nearby water, and they left the horses and let them waddle over to the water as they eagerly thirsted for. It was going to be great to take a break under the shadow and get some sustenance.

"Take care of the horses as I scout the area."

Altaïr didn't seem the least touched by the hours of riding in the burning heat, and Kadar watched him climb up steep hills and disappear behind a bush.

Kadar looked at the map and studied the surrounding area. A mild insecurity raised; He could not find the way they had been following on the map, fair enough the little water was showed on the parchment. They must have arrived from a different direction than he assumed. A bit confused Kadar put the parchment away and walked down to the water. He drank away his thirst and washed the sand off his face. Listening to his surroundings he closed his eyes as the drops of water rained down of his face to the lake. He could hear the horses slurping the water and entering it. The wing beats of a large bird sailed above him then faded away. Whines and hooves moving off the water could be heard. In curiosity over what could have stressed out the horses so badly he opened his eyes and stood up. The horses had clustered together and he could feel his muscles twitch under his skin. He was about to move towards them to look for snakes as a strong hand grabbed his hand and twisted him around. An unknown masculine face stared down at him.

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><p><strong>I hope enjoyed reading. Until next update, hugs for you! (^.^)<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!  
>Thanks again, Alex! I am also grateful for all ideas my friends have been sharing with me. :)<strong>

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><p>The stranger gripped Kadar's waist and pulled him against himself.<p>

"What do we got here? I didn't know Masyaf has started recruiting girls." A sly smile spread across the face of the unknown person. Kadar could feel cold trembles racing down his back; a massive, protective armor and a deadly sword inside its holder. Kadar lifted his glance over to the emblem on his chest; a red cross on a white background, it was a Templar.

His one free hand instinctively moved towards his holder as Kadar discovered in panic that all his weapons were in the pouches with the horses. The Templar had already discovered and calculated this failing move. His sly, gross smile increased as Kadar attempted to hit him. His free hand was caught by a crushing grip. Kadar twisted and turned, but could not get out of this locked in position. As a last resort against the superior giant of a Templar he coupled together all his remaining force to kick against the Templar's private parts, but the Templar had already predicted this. Fast and agile he kicked away the leg which Kadar now rested all of his balance; and Kadar fell hard against the ground with the Templar above him. Both of Kadar's hands were now held above his head.

"You were taught to fight as a girl too?" His breath was damp and sour against Kadar's face. The surprise, the fear, and the feeling of being so helpless were mixed together with an ever-increasing rage. He started spouting swearwords in Arabic.

"Seems you are about to lose your eyesight!" Kadar twisted under the massive body above him, but the weight was paralyzing, and his hands were locked together in his violent grip.

"Mad are we?"

Kadar was being mocked and laughed in his face. A large hand slid above his vision. He wanted to illustrate to Kadar that he was strong enough to hold him thoroughly with one hand. Kadar bit his teeth together and sent a deadly stare.

The hand disappeared from his eyesight; and slid across Kadar's young chest.  
><em>No, no, no!<em>  
>The expression of the Templar changed to something animalistic, and something unrestrained. Something warm and wet moved across his neck.<br>No!

Adar felt his eyes drown in tears from freight and understanding of what the so-called "holy knight" was about to do.

A welcomed voice spoke in a calm pace as a shadow covered the sunlight.

"He's not your toy to do as you please." A sound of metal could be heard. The expression of the Templar changed to confusion then surprise. His mouth opened up and his eyes reeked of fear. Kadar could feel something warm and moist trail down his chest as the Templar body rolled onto the grass. Altaïr retracted his hidden blade, the deadliest weapon ever handed out to any master in the order, the most effective, and the stealthiest. Kadar looked at himself and discovered a patch of blood that has surfaced from the components of the Templar's armor. "Three things to remember Kadar. Always bring your weapons; you never know when you'll need them. Second, you must always focus on your surroundings. And last but not least..."

A hand approached Kadar, who reluctantly accepted and Altaïr helped him get back up on his feet. The warm hand didn't relinquish its hold.

"Never, _ever_ give up."

Altaïr's eyes radiated of annoyance and despair, but mostly concern. Kadar nodded in acceptance of his failures, unable to use his voice of shame at himself. Altaïr released his hand, and walked towards the horses. Kadar glanced over at the dead body on the ground, and then followed his master. Silence one again surrounds them. Altaïr did not seem mad, but then again it was so difficult to establish any form of feelings within him, and his face, overshadowed by his hood. Kadar thought back. If Malik had seen this he would have been furious, he'd call him an incompetent newbie. And that was what Kadar felt like too. He glanced towards Altaïr. He could not remember the master being short of breath, or running, ergo he had not been running for the rescue. The master had instead asked Kadar not to give up. How could he have known that he had given up?

It all dawned upon him.

Had Altaïr just been watching from distance until he understood Kadar needed assistance? Had he been _testing_ Kadar? He shook the thoughts out of his head. Altaïr could not have been so cunning. But he did suspect the master knew all the time that they were on enemy territory. Kadar had lost focus when he realized he had misread the map and led them into the wild. If he just had paid more attention…

He still prayed to every god he could think of for being rescued from the Templar. Saved by a beautiful –

No. He had to stop with these thoughts of someone from the same sex. Altaïr was a master in the art of killing fair and silent. Altaïr was his mentor, nothing more, and nothing less. Kadar felt confused, as if he was telling lies without meaning to do so. He looked down at maroon stain on his chest and felt dirty.

They continued on without exchanging a lot of dialog. They planned their route together, snuck through guard posts disguised as a monk and his apprentice, then continued riding. They had spent more time than estimated when Kadar could conclude that they had reached the point on the map. The sun was setting, and sent its last rays of heat as it bathed the landscape in gold. The place Altaïr had chosen was ideal for camp; they had shelter in a cavity between large chunks of rock that had collapsed from the mountain, and there was a river nearby where they and the horses could drink. Working together they saddled off the horses and brought the pouches to their shelter, for protection against the weather and thieves. The horses trotted over under watch by Kadar, before he tied them up to some trees outside of camp. Kadar took the task of scouting the surroundings to assure again any surprise visits. The landscape was filled with bergs and mountains, some spread out plant life, and wild life that fled on sight.

Camp was some distance away from the common roads, so they were sure to stay there safely without any interference from outsiders, and hopefully without any curious enemies.

The wind was fresh and cool with the setting sun in the horizon as Kadar left his viewpoint and returned to camp. He saw Altaïr stand by his horse, stroking it across its neck. It almost seemed like he was speaking to it, but Kadar could not hear any words. The horse seemed to enjoy the master's company, as it nudged Altaïr shoulder with its nose. The whole scene was pleasant view in the evening light. Kadar smiled over this slightly tender side of Altaïr when he provided the fatigue horse with some friendly company. Kadar silently sighed to himself as he turned towards the pouches and retrieved some dried fruit. He sat down, and rested his back at a stone wall. The sweet taste of the fruit spread through his body, but left a bitter aftertaste with all the thoughts floating around in Kadar's mind. He had a long way to go before he could call himself a true assassin in the name of justice. He felt he still had a lot left to experience before calling himself an adult. Books were easy to acquire knowledge from, but he felt he needed to experience things on his own, and learn from his mistakes. The mistakes he had made this day could have cost him his life, had it not been for Altaïr's rescuing hand. He glanced over at the master again. Altaïr had asked him not to lose focus, how many times now? Why couldn't he just shape up and concentrate about what he should? He thought back at Masyaf where they had fought against each other in the battleground before going. Kadar had defeated Altaïr, but had let him get distracted by the master's lips. The master had seen the distraction and taken advantage of it. How much did Altaïr know? The master was not only good at fighting or stealing, but he also had an exceptionally bright mind and did not let himself get fooled. Kadar felt his stomach tingle unpleasantly and rubbed the area. Was he sick and needed medications? He sighed.  
>Soundless steps were approaching, and Altaïr crouched down in front of Kadar. A calm hand lifted his cheek up and a somewhat confused Kadar looked his master in the eyes. The tingling in his stomach was rising in force and time seemed to have stopped. With a calm voice Altaïr snapped Kadar out of his hypnotic trance. "Sometimes, things just don't go as planned, Kadar. Everyone gets distracted once in a while, even I. I've known you for so long now, and I know what you're capable off. I know you will be better prepared to strike next time, and you will do great." A smile widened across Altaïr face, which made Kadar's cheeks flush red like roses.<p>

Miles away, shaking hands wrote a few words on a piece of paper. A drop of blood fell on the edge of the paper; it contracted and formed a rose. The pigeon would reach Masyaf in about a day, hopefully in time. Malik watched the pigeon fly away with his message.

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><p><strong>I hope you all have a great Christmas!<br>Until next chapter: viritual x-mas gifts for you all! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Good to see you again! Or, well, I don't actually _see_ you. This will be a fluff-filled chapter, I hope you enjoy it even if it's short.**  
><span>My inspiration goes to my beloved bestfriend Anne V.!<span>  
><strong>A huge thanks to all of you! And of course Alex who is willing to translate for me, <strong>even if I tied his chair to his desk and he didn't find it funny.

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><p>There has been some time since the sun disappeared below the horizon. A blanket of silence stretching from city to city, and maybe a bit further, covered the scenery. The night brought safe and peaceful dreams, to most people. The remains of a campfire coughed out its last few sparkles, but it had no heat left. A young body enveloped in blankets was on the ground alone, sheltered by some boulders. Even though no threats were imminent, his body was restless as if an attack was inevitable. Somewhere, not far away, a well-built man was about to finish his patrol on the top of a hill. The master silently avoided loose rocks that could roll downhill, or throw him off his balance. His thoughts felt foggy. Not from sleep deprivation, but from overwhelming thoughts. For once he felt he had problems that he could not resolve on his own. It made him feel alive. He had decided to accept the challenges with open arms, and somehow find a solution. Altaïr followed the calm river upstream to return to camp. It was not long till sunrise, but before that the master would be able to get a few hours of sleep. Kadar had taken the first shift and after a few hours they had switched. All in all it had been a silent night without any surprises, neither from humans nor from wildlife. The horses at camp were standing tight together to share their heat. Altaïr passed the fireplace as he heard something that could resemble a pitiful moan, as from a kid. He walked towards Kadar and sat down next to him. The boy made strange faces and twisted. His eyelids showed uneasiness in a face covered in cold sweat. The master laid a calming hand on the young boys shoulder.<br>"Kadar…"

The colors around him had mixed together to warm, comfortable colors. The air had been refreshing, and he felt loved. Kadar and Malik and been riding together with Altaïr to some place and it didn't matter where. The most important thing was that they all were happy. They spoke, and laughed together, the problems of the world were miles away. No insecurity was around, and they stopped their horses. They got off the horses and went to a small lake to drink. Kadar washed his face in the fresh water and he felt great. He closed his eyes and felt the happiness grow inside him. Malik and Altaïr had finished drinking, and were talking about random subjects. Kadar's luck grew almost larger than his body could bear. The voices of his beloved brothers gradually fainted towards the horses again. Kadar asked them to wait for him. His happiness gradually turned into something dark within his body. Neither Malik nor Altaïr heard him. Kadar rose up from the water and turned against his brothers. Everything was suddenly wrong. They had their backs turned against him and mounted their horses. Kadar was yelling, asking them to wait. The darkness within his body grew out hair, which took root under his legs. He could not move his body anymore; they were stuck for all time. He yelled for help, and started to panic. But Malik and Altaïr smiled at each other, and laughed at each other's stories, they didn't even sense Kadar's presence. He didn't exist anymore in a world meant only for Altaïr and Malik. They rode off into the horizon until they were no longer in Kadar's view. Tears blinded Kadar. What had first been his happiness then turned into something evil and dark; was now just crushing feelings of loneliness and emptiness.  
>The two dearest people in his life have now left him, because he is non-existent. They had never known him, never seen him, heard him, touched him, or held around him at night. Kadar screamed with all his force, again and again. His voice left his sore vocal cords and all that could be heard was a whisper.<p>

A familiar and loved aroma calmed him slowly but surely. Something warmed his cheeks. Kadar woke up in a flash, and saw familiar eyes. Altaïr stared surprised back at him from his side, with his arms halfway extended. He had been holding around Kadar. Tears rolled down his already soaked cheeks as he realized that he was not abandoned, and that he was awake again. Kadar couldn't care less about his manhood at this moment, and threw himself back into Altaïr's arms. Slightly uncertain the master put his arms around the hulking body. He let his one hand slide calming through the shaggy hair.  
>"You were screaming a whole bunch of gibberish. I was getting worried for you when you would not waken."<br>Kadar mumbled some sort of apology into his masters white robe. Kadar felt dozy and exhausted, as if he hadn't been sleeping at all.

"I dreamt that Malik and you left me…"

The grip around Kadar tightened; he could have remained in Altaïr's arms forever.

"… We will never leave you, Kadar."

But Kadar did not hear the truth coming from Altaïr's heart. He did not hear the feelings behind the words Altaïr had expelled with caution. Kadar had already dozed off in peace and no worries.


End file.
